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Posts Tagged ‘family’

Heredity

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Abby: People that say we look alike are nuts.

Erin: Yeah, they’re obviously not looking at us at all. I figure it’s got something to do with how you do small talk. It involves having some prerecorded statements and using them at the right time. You see someone’s baby and you press the button that says “oh, she’s beautiful!” or someone says something and then you say “that happens to me sometimes too.”

You meet siblings and you press the button that says “I can see the resemblance.” No observation needed. It’s just small talk. It’s a highly ritualized encounter.

Abby: Yeah, but look at us. We’re not the same. Like we’ve got high foreheads but that’s common in females…

Erin: Your nose is kind of round, kind of like dad’s but toned down a little. See how it’s round and then the nostrils flare out? Mine is straighter and narrower.

Abby: And my mouth is bigger. And our chins –

Erin: Not the same.

Abby: Really?

Mom: But your eyes… There’s something weird going on there because I thought brown was dominant.

Erin: Well that’s true, but you have to remember that each parent has two genes for eye colour, and each one only passes one on, so you had a brown gene and a hazel gene and you didn’t pass the brown on. She got the hazel one and I got grey from dad. But yeah, we don’t look alike at all.

Dad: You kind of look like the mailman.

Erin: I have similar hair to dad though, when it was long. I don’t look like mom at all, even though people say we do.

Abby: I don’t know, your zygomatic processes are kind of the same…

Erin: Ahahaha! I knew you were taking osteology for a reason.

On Supernanny

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

Fulford Harbour

Mom: Supernanny’s good and all, but you never see her doing psychological warfare. You guys never acted up because I had you well trained. I could take Supernanny any day because I fuck with my children’s minds.

Sister: When I grow up I want to fuck with my children’s minds too, and when they’re bad I’ll just send them to you.

A chorus of “awwww” and group hug ensued.

I really love my mom.