I’m feeling scattered today. I was reading A Room of One’s Own and I couldn’t really follow the text, couldn’t focus on it for long enough to really get into it.

Woolf was talking about humming poetry at dinner parties and I don’t know what. I just wasn’t into it today. I was standing at the bus stop and my fingers were freezing so I put the book down. I was sitting in the bus and my umbrella fell down underneath the seat in front of me.

The man in front of me was having a rapidfire conversation in Chinese on a two-way radio. I was secretly dreading having to interrupt him to get him to fish it out from underneath his seat. I was dreading leaving it under there and losing another umbrella because I must have lost 10 umbrellas already this winter. I was overthinking things. I couldn’t read. I put the book down again.

Luckily he got off just before my stop. I had to reach very far underneath the seat. The space between the seats is smaller than my hips. I hit my thigh very hard while the bus was moving. I wouldn’t be surprised if in a couple days it’s a huge bruise.

I’ve been suffering from this weird, directionless stress. The internet all but stops working between 8:00 pm and midnight most nights now. The only thing that comes through is a very throttled twitter feed via tweetdeck. It’s frustrating because I can’t click on links because I know they won’t load.

It fills me with a vague anxiety. It’s withdrawal. I know I’m an addict.

For much of the evening I’ve been watching the tweets in my feed trickle in about the earthquake in Japan. There were photos and live streams that I couldn’t watch. It was really frustrating.

Now that I can see it, some of the footage is unreal. Plumes of smoke and fire in the sky, tsunamis sweeping away vehicles, buildings, people running, waves washing still-burning debris over farmland and greenhouses. Amazing, horrible stuff.

I should go to bed.

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