i'm a lot like you.

I headed down to the library today to find some books for my paper. I’m researching a topic that I assumed I would find a lot of information on, but I’m not really coming up with much. Today I grabbed a stack of books that will probably only be moderately useful because I didn’t want to go home empty-handed.

It’s all adding to my growing sense of dissatisfaction with school right now. I’m having a really hard time staying motivated to do anything. A year and a half ago I hit a wall and suddenly school got really hard and I lost interest in it. The only reason I can think of as to why I’m still there is that I’ve put off applying for grad school three times now. Now I feel like I need some time off.

“You! Do you know how to work these things?” a lady asked me as I approached the self-checkout.

“Sure,” I said, “do you have your card?” I proceeded to walk her through checking out two books on chess strategy. She told me she didn’t trust computers at all and read over the receipt carefully to ensure that everything had worked. “Thanks,” she said, “I knew you were friendly when I saw you!”

I don’t really know how to end this post tonight. Part of me says the extremely awkward check out at the grocery store today deserves a mention and the other part of me says it’s really not that interesting. It’s just that the clerk took a very long time to ring my four items through because he had to stop and stare awkwardly at me and make comments about what I was purchasing. “Peanuts,” he said, “you must like peanuts… Maybe you could make peanut butter…”

I told the full story to my roommate and acted out his part. Based on what I showed her she concluded that he might have been stoned, but I think it’s more likely that he was new and trying to make conversation and not doing a very good job of it.

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