paydayloans

2010

I’m at my parents’ house and I have been for about a week now.

I brought one sweater with me to knit, which I’ve finished. I don’t usually finish anything. I always have so many things going that I rarely have this opportunity to focus on just one thing. It’s nice to finish something for once but still I’m itching to do something else now.

But over the past few months they have been rapidly transforming their living environment into something that is of all things liveable. Today it’s a far cry from the unfinished basement suite without walls, bathroom or kitchen that we moved into.

I facilitated that by moving out this year and making a bit of room for renovations. Now there isn’t a lot of me out here anymore, other than what I bring out with me, which is not much.

I feel like I’m in stasis right now. I’m exactly the same place I was this time last year. In 2009 I was waking up from three weeks of lying in bed feeling sorry for myself after what was by far the worst year of my life. On January 1, 2009 I got up, showered and said to myself that this was the end of all of the crap that I had been dealing with.

It followed me though, like a bad hangover. It came up in conversations. It became an excuse for things and I leaned on it like a crutch. It was a long time before I could finally put it all to rest.

This is the biggest problem I have with New Years. Nothing’s really ending and nothing’s really beginning. It’s never a clean break. But people insist on seeing it that way and then it leaves them frustrated when they don’t accomplish whatever they thought they would within that completely arbitrary timeframe.

But this time last year I was exactly where I am now, wondering what’s next? I’m not sure what I have to look forward to this year.

Leave a Reply