Archive for August, 2010

The triumphant return

Sunday, August 1st, 2010


We went to pick up my sister from the airport last night. She spent six weeks in Fiji on an archaeological dig and then a couple weeks wandering around Australia. She had an awesome time sifting dead bodies out of sand. She also dug up the only intact turtle skull that’s ever been found on that dig site and it’s going to be on display in the national museum so she’s pretty happy about that.

My parents have been empty nesting for entirely too long and they forgot to buy us some take out to eat on the way home in the car. It was late, we were starving and nothing was open so we ended up at Dennys.

I’m not a big fan of Dennys, especially when I’m not piss drunk. The menu is retarded. A market survey was just released this week that said that a full 40% of people in Vancouver regularly choose vegetarian foods in restaurants and Denny’s late night menu has zero vegetarian options.

I’m only really strict about it when I’m cooking for myself so I had a turkey sandwich. My sister decided to go for the make your own breakfast where you can choose four things. She picked the only four non-meat things. “Eggs, hashbrowns, pancakes…. aaaand oatmeal.”

What arrived was a fantastically huge carbfest that took up a third of the table and she inhaled it with frightening speed.

It was hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing. She’s not a very big person. It was like she hadn’t eaten anything while she was away.

While we were there we read in the newspaper that Japan’s oldest man actually died thirty years ago. His family kept his mummified body in his apartment and was collecting his pension cheques. We were comforted by the fact that weird shit happens there too.

Somehow the topic changed to projectile vomit and we rehashed the story of how one night when I was a kid I got sick and vomited off the side of the top bunk on our bunkbed, hitting the carpet, the wall, the fishtank, dresser drawers and my sister below. I told my parents and they started cleaning it all up. They had to move the furniture to clean behind it and change the sheets on my sister’s bed and clean vomit out of her hair. My sister slept through the whole thing and I fell asleep while they were cleaning up the room. They woke me up a while later because I’d vomited all over my bed in my sleep while they were cleaning up and they needed to change my sheets.

It was one of those kinds of nights that makes people question why they became parents, but made for one of those stories that brings us to tears laughing about now.

Especially when you’re eating shitty food in a Dennys late at night.